After a tiring and long day
I found myself staring at photos of Greg.

I have this collage of pictures of the two of us and pictures of just Greg by himself in my bedroom.

I stopped and stood staring at pictures of Greg, pictures of Greg and I. After a few moments it felt so surreal.

Surreal and I have become quite aquatinted with each other over these last 28 months.

You see, it feels like all the memories that are captured in these photos just happened recently and not years ago.

I feel like I am in a dream. Someone else’s life. This nightmare that i cant wake up from. No matter how hard i try – for the life of me i try- but i cant wake up from. Trapped and wanting to wake up but can’t. Wanting to wake up from this dream and Greg be here.

To hold me in his arms and assure me that everything is ok, that he’s here.

I walk by this collage several times a day at least. Sometimes I smile because I see my man – happy and smiling at me; other times I have that
reaction plus the sadness because I know they are just memories – the only memories that we have and will ever have; other times it hurts to look at some of the pictures.

All of the pictures are “safe” pictures. Granted I can cry any given day looking at one of or all of them, these pictures are not of the “triggering” kind.

As I’ve been thinking of how I would like to redo Greg’s area in the apt, I zoned in on one of the last photos taken of Greg and he’s wearing all his favorite things and in the picture he is toasting to the camera with his dr. pepper. That kid always had dr. pepper with him. He had a problem! He was addicted to dr. pepper.

I like seeing that picture of my Hubbie.
Makes my <3 smile.

And I Thought I Loved You Then My Love

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