Am I the only one?
on June 11th, 2012I ask this because my five year mark is fast approaching..I am very sad, it will be a hard time and I miss him….I am married again and very happy and in love. I hope this doesn’t mean I am callous and cold hearted or no one thinks I am any of that. I have found a place where I can be part of a community and can contribute to the people. We are kept so busy with the Honor Guard and giving comfort to military families who have lost their military family member….Most are retired and were Veterans of various wars..my husband is upbeat and worries too about what God is keeping him around for..I believe God let us find each other so we could continue our journey together..He is 78 and I am 70. If you met him you would think he is much younger and I have had my friends say I look younger……as June 29th approaches I realize my deceased husband would have been 74 this year…..as July 2 approaches this would have been our 29th anniversary…and I begin the count again. You all think I am crazy but I am not, I am so very thankful to have a partner to carry on with. For every day, God gives us with memories of the spouses we both cared for and lost; for the chance to be happy in what we do… Am I the only one who finds this a puzzle with no solution? or reason why?
We are all survivors…and it is a constantly changing journey. I have “remarried”. We are together, didn’t do the license, but made a public committment to each other. We didn’t officially marry with a license due to Social Security survivor benefits; etc. Even though I have moved on, I still miss him often…at least once a week, something happens that make me wish things were different. I don’t want to discount the relationship I am in now, he has some of the same issues. His wife had a long, extended illness and my hubby was ill for a few months, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel…it just went out before we got there.
We all have to do what we have to do…we all have memories you will never forget. You are not crazy at all…you have a big heart, that is ready to give more…and you have your memories. There is nothing wrong with that…and no one can take them away from you.
I agree with Brokenhearted, Hobby, as a person of deep faith, since my husband died 10 months ago, we will always be different due to our loss, we always get “weird” around the many dates that we life changing. At the same time, I’m assured by God that all that has happened, especially the death of Jim, is not for anything, He has great things planned for me, different then I imagined. I am so very happy to actually hear that there will be change, I will be able to move on, do something more meaningful as my work and yes, find love again! Thank you for sharing and for giving me another glimpse of Hope in my time of such grief!
I think as anniversary dates approach we all get a bit edgy and question ourselves and our lives……once we get past that time we can settle down some……and our feelings become more manageable……
I find that if we ask why, it is a puzzle….instead I ask what, what do you want me to do now Lord….sounds as if you have found your what and it is a wonderful things you guys do with the Honor Guard and military families….I am so happy for you that you have found new love and someone to carry on with….I don’t think you are crazy at all Hobby, I think you are strong and a survivor….Hugs to you….